OLIVER KIMOKEO | online editor
I find it ironic that this year’s Common Day of Learning (CDL) theme is “Teaching Knowledge and Good Judgment,” yet all the libraries, the biggest base on campus for acquiring knowledge, are locked down until 4 p.m. today.
I’m going to rebel against the university’s wishes today and open a book and learn something for myself in addition to attending some CDL sessions. I’ll be armed with a pencil and paper, ready to snap on anyone who interrupts me while I get my study on. I’ll practically become a folk hero on Cougar Walk.
It would be foolish to make an argument against knowledge and good judgment as they are both great practices to have in one’s life. There are instances, however, when knowledge is a misguided choice and ignorance is bliss. I present to you the top five things I don’t want to know.
I don’t want to know what the secret ingredients are for tasty dishes. There’s a reason why it’s kept secret. If the public really knew these secret ingredients, they may be repulsed and disgusted. The ingredient could be extremely taboo, such as human blood or barbecued dog, or an odd combination of ingredients, such as Red Bull mixed with pickles, black licorice and peanut butter. I’m not alleging those ingredients are secret ingredients for anything but they could be, and alas, I would be more comfortable not knowing.
I don’t want to know you didn’t take a shower today. I would rather let the source of the stench be unknown. There are so many gross odors which are created from not cleansing oneself. If you don’t believe me, try smelling your armpits when you wake up. Now that’s a fresh and natural way to start your day. If you wake up five minutes before class, take a moment and drench yourself in your favorite cologne or perfume and you’ll be all right. The rest of us will thank you for it.
I don’t want to know that I’m flying in a plane which has a pilot who has never flown before. That goes for any other scenario within a moving vehicle. If it’s your first time and I’m riding with you, keep it to yourself and fake it to the best of your ability. I’ll discover the truth when you crash, but at that time, I won’t be able to do anything about it.
I don’t want to know that you know of the things I don’t want you to know. I did some crazy things back in the day. For instance, I used to breakdance at any moment’s notice no matter how inappropriate the venue. One time, I was breakin’ at a square dance. I hope you can understand this is the type of thing I don’t want out in the open and I don’t want to know that you know what you know about me. You know?
Finally, I don’t want to have any knowledge of the circumstances surrounding my eventual death. There are so many ways you can die, from a chocolate overdose or skydiving with Limp Bizkit on your iPod to name two, and knowing how and when I’ll die would have a catastrophic effect on living every day to its fullest.
