BETH VOGE | staff writer
All right folks, it’s that time of year again—time to decide not only where you are going to live next year, but more importantly, with whom.
This unavoidable task can easily lead to awkward feelings and uncomfortable conversations, but fear not, as the awkwardness can be avoided. Simply state the straightforward truth or keep an ear out for key words that could signal an invitation or a decline for living together.
HOW TO START:
First, you need to make sure you are choosing the right roommate. Just because you are the best of friends, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will also be the best of roommates.
Everything from their window-opening preferences, to sharing food, cleanliness, sleeping habits, their policy on visitors, etc. must all be considered when deciding to live with a new roommate.
Be mindful of annoyances you may have with someone now that could turn into issues later on. If your friend Joe always complains about his current roommates and how messy they are, you should consider whether you also have these same qualities.
Are you willing to change your habits, or do you think Joe won’t have a problem with it?
Keep your eyes out for potential problems and when there might be a concern, bring it up in the conversation. Now is the time to be honest, not only with yourself, but with possible new roomies.
HOW TO ASK:
Now is also the time to be alert during conversations. Keep an ear open for possible roommate proposal phrases like, “Ugh, I don’t know where I’m going to live next year,” or the blatant “Who are you living with next year?” Both of which might be bait to test what possible candiates you may be considering next year.
Also, as harsh as it may sound, be able to take a hint. Now is the time where you might want to be sensitive about sentences like “Shelly was talking about living with me next year, and I don’t know, it sounds interesting,” probably means she wants to live with Shelly, and that is her way of telling you.
Just be sure to be aware of reading too much into these little hints. An easy way out of getting lost in the mind game? Just ask them point-blank.
If you don’t feel comfortable being too bold, try feeling them out by casually asking them questions that are open-ended and noncommittal like, “So, what are you thinking about for next year?”
For example, rather than risk being shot down by asking, “Hey Christy, want to live with me next year?” You can say something like the vague, “Hey Christy, so what are you thinking about for next year?” or “Hey Bobby, where are you hoping to live next year?”
These questions are open, so the person being asked can either answer your question by saying they want to live with someone else, or they might put the question back on you which could mean they are interested in living with you.
But also keep in mind that people, especially college students, can be fickle. Try to take whatever is said to you with a grain of salt, knowing that potential roommates may happen change their minds about living with you faster than you can say University Village.
HOW TO SAY NO:
Maybe your current roommates this year just didn’t work out for you, or maybe you simply want to try living with different people. Saying no can be an uncomfortable task if you’re not a fan of confrontation.
If you want to say no, but just don’t want to deal with the awkwardness, don’t let that stop you—it’s just too important not to speak up.
Saying no determines how you will spend next semester, with frustration or relief. Say it with grace, but also fi rmly enough so that the point is made. It’s as easy as, “Oh, thanks, but actually I was planning on living with so-and-so.”
It may sting a little to the other person, but the sooner, the better, and the faster they can make other plans.
You can also try to avoid that question altogether by casually mentioning your alternative living plans early.
These tips can help break the ice when trying to figure out next year’s roommate situation, but keep in mind: you can read into conversations and phrases as deeply as you want, but may still be way off target with what your friend is actually trying to say to you.
When it comes down to it, just ask.
HOW TO MOVE ON:
If someone does say no, or makes it obvious you shouldn’t live together, don’t worry; it was probably for the best. Besides, there are plenty more fish in this APU sea and possibly more semesters to try again.
Good luck, and don’t forget to go to Engstrom between March 23 and April 20 for the housing signup lottery.
