OLIVER KIMOKEO | online editor
I have been single for almost nine years and I wear my bachelorhood as a badge of pride.
Valentine’s Day has long been celebrated as a holiday for couples. But who gets left out? That’s right, it’s the no-relationship people on the sidelines. Singles have been stereotyped as people who are hopelessly lonely, sitting alone at night on a couch, gorging on junk food and viewing an endless marathon of romantic comedies, wishing they were experiencing what they are watching.
I respect people who have chosen to be coupled for a variety of reasons including their willingness to commit to each other and for fulfilling roles the other needs. But Valentine’s Day is not just for couples. It belongs to everybody because everybody deserves to be loved, with or without the aid of a significant other.
This is a time of year when people lament their relationship status and take magazine quizzes to determine what their compatibility is. After reading one to many advice columns they start to feel sorry for themselves, feeling like losers since there is no one to love them at this very moment in time.
It’s a very sad path to go down because this thought process does not have a positive ending. People tend to become impatient as well, settling for a unworthy person instead of waiting for the right one.
I’m here to blow that way of thinking out of the water and introduce a new set of “love” philosophies, tailor-made for the APU crowd.
Before I begin, let me explain why I have made the intentional decision to be single. It’s not because there are no women out there. It’s because I have not found the “right” person yet. Maybe I will never find her. I’m comfortable with that prospect. Not having a girlfriend doesn’t mean the end of the world.
I believe in the principle that no relationship is better than a bad relationship. Why spend time being miserable with somebody who doesn’t treat you well and causes drama in your life? It’s not a very healthy way to live and it’s damaging to your psyche.
I came to APU with the same expectation a good majority of people bring to the university: to find my future spouse. Some have been fortunate in their pursuits, others not so much. I have dropped that expectation because if all I see is an hourglass in my vision, then the pursuit will be empty. I would be going on my timetable instead of the timetable God has laid out for me.
It may be hard to believe but not every qualified Christian man or woman resides at APU. There is a good possibility you’ll meet a quality person outside of the campus. We have this fear that if we leave APU without a relationship, then the time spent here was wasted.
We should not be basing our lives on popular myths (“ring by spring”) but on functional truths. We should not even be basing our happiness on if a significant other loves us or not.
So, without further adieu, here is some advice for those who are single on Valentine’s Day. The advice also works for couples, because everybody needs the same friendly reminders.
First, remember you have value. You have a lot to offer the world and you have a lot of life to still experience. Do not spend your time in self-pity. Instead, enjoy your passions and live every day to the fullest.
Second, remember who you are. Do not compromise your principles for another person. It is not worth it, and you’ll end up a broken person. If you don’t know who you are, take the time now to figure it out. Then you’ll become a stronger person because you’ll know who you are.
Third, remember God will always be more than enough for you. We may not want to admit it, but God knows what’s best for us and he is the ultimate matchmaker when the time is right. Being single allows you to grow as a person and as a Christian. That maturity will eventually make you a better spouse. God will always be there to fulfill your needs and desires if you’ll allow him to.
God’s timing is everything. I have had new opportunities open for me that I may have not been ready for a couple years ago. Some people may be ready for marriage at 20 years old, and others may be ready for marriage at 30, 40 or 50 years old. Even if your time has not arrived yet, it’s okay to wait for your time to come.
I enjoy being single, just as much as I will enjoy being in a relationship. Maybe my future girlfriend is reading this article right now and thinking to herself, “this guy has the right mindset on life.” If so, find some way to contact me (I’m in the student directory on Cougar’s Den) and share your thoughts with me. After all, I may be single right now, but I refuse to let a wasted opportunity go by.
